Honesty, Openess & Willingness: Part One Honesty With God.

It is said in the rooms of AA and CR all the time and I really believe that they are a key to sobriety and even life in general. I have been away from the keyboard lately...wedding planning is crazy! Not to mention life is really good right now and I rejoice in that because so often the hard times are all we talk about but the good times should be celebrated also. In the next couple of blogs I will spell out what this statement means to me one word at a time, and hopefully at the end there will be a beautiful set of three well written and thought out bloggs that may be a point of experience, strength and hope for another person. Ha! Okay just the experience, strength and hope part then! I think I will start off with honesty.

Rigorous honesty with God, myself and my fellows is the only way that I can be happy in sobriety and in life in general for that matter. I have tried living a life full of lies and have found that it was completly exhausting and a terrible burden no one should have to bear. This was the first thing Jesus addressed in my life after turning to him. His truths that I read in the Bible were like a searchlight to my soul revealing all the lies I had bought into, this continues still everyday. I find myself today just as I was three years ago as a new believer in Christ constantly going to Christ seeking his forgiveness. Martin Luther said a Christians life is one of repentance, I think this is absolutely correct and it is the path in which I open myself up to God in honesty. Im not repenting because I broke some rule but because I realize that I am in no way perfect and that I am costantly dealing with issues related to my pride, ego, anger, etc...etc...Its in this honesty with God that I am built up in faith because I feel and know that he is a God of grace and he casts my sin as far as the East is from the West so that its shame and guilt well not be there to pull me down. This in turn builds my faith and the reassurance in knowing that I can live in this world but not be conformed I am only formed by my relationship with Christ. This is the freedom I gain in walking honestly with Christ, its foolish to think that I can hide anything from him anyway but in doing so I am also carrying the burden of that lie with no one to give it to which gives all the power and control to that one lie and no worldly power can relieve me from that, forgiveness and rightousness only comes from Christ.

By His Grace

What a great Christmas! Its a crazy time of the year, this year was especially crazy for me as I got the blessing to be able to spend it with my fiancee and step son as well as her family. I have been meaning to get on and blogg for quite sometime now but just havent gotten the opportunity. I am happy to finally be back at the keyboard to report that on the 17th of Decmber I celebrated three years of sobriety. Sobriety birthdays are always fun and for me the whole month surrounding them is just kind of a rollercoaster filled with thankfulness, gratitude and deep reflection. So...throw this in with the celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ who is the only reason I am where I am, it makes for one humbling gratitude filled month! Its crazy to look at where I was just three years ago and where I am now thanks to Jesus and his work on the cross and in me.

Its always easy for me to remember that Christmas season three years ago and I never want to, because it always humbles and fills me with faith and love for Jesus. I was arrested on the 17th for my fourth DUI, bailed out on the 19th, then had to immediately go turn myself in on a probation violation in another county, g to court the next morning then get bailed out for that. so by the 20th of December I was out of jail until my hearings. I was so fearful, so hopeless, I remember celebrating Christmas...if you want to call it that. I was in a deep depression, full of despair and fear not really wanting to leave the house as I tried to figure out what a life without alcohol looked like. I just remember stting with my family not really knowing when I would spend Christmas with them again.

These feelings went on for the next five months until I found myself in a jail cell with a Holy Bible in my hands seeking anything that resembled an answer. It was when my heart was in that condition when my mind was filled with nothing but lies was my soul awakened to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Truth came beaming in and permeating everything I did...I was being transformed just as I am today. I was with my family the very next Christmas rejoicing and celebrating in the glory of Christ coming to die for us so that we, so that I may know life away from the bondage of sin and lies.

Fellowship: Part II

Well fellowship again has been on my heart over the past few weeks and I figured that meant it would be a good time to wrap up my thoughts on fellowship. Its probably about time because the topic has been left open for a month or so now, not that people are nit hanging on the edge of their seat to get it because I think only five people read this. Which is perfectly fine by me, I started the blog simply because it was on my heart for a long time, until one day I acted on it and now three months later hear I am. Pretty cool, anyways I should probably get on topic here. Fellowship, over the past few weeks it has been amazing to me to think about how much fellowship means to me and how it has gradually and sometimes suddenly changed my life. As you will read in Fellowship I my whole idea of fellowship was based around partying and belonging. I didnt want anyone too close I always kept them at a arms distance never opening up who I really was for fear of failure or rejection.

Today I see fellowship as a much more different thing...I love being in the rooms of A.A. or C.R. and seeing new comers or people who ask for help being swarmed after meetings by smiling faces and open arms. A place where true relation happens, hopefully this happens not because the person offering feels obligated or is forcing it but because there is a understanding or apathy for where that person is, because they have been there worked through it and came through stronger with more understanding.  I truly believe that these things are the scars and thorns we have to be willing to share and open up about to others to show the glory of Christ's work within us. This is why personal testimonies are so powerful, we can relate to and meet these people sharing about their lives exactly where they are. We can share with them about those emotions that they are feeling during those really hard moments because we have those emotions and feelings too! Yet they have overcomed and have actually come to terms enough with their past to be able to share about it in hopes that another wont walk down their road. I see this everyday in the rooms of A.A. and C.R. and what it creates is a breeding ground for fellowsip to happen and be facilitated. There is true beauty in seeing someone who is broken and beatdown realize that they are not alone and in fact many others struggle with the exact very same thing and have moved on from it...being able to see someone who has what we have and be willing to do what we have to do to get it. The first step: Realizing that I have a problem.

I have a big problem and the problem is me. It truly is a miracle of God that I am where I am today because in all honesty I should have died quite a few times in my life. I had problems, problems I thought were mine and only mine, well thats not true they are God's all God's because he has taken a life full of darkness, sadness and despair and shone a light and given a reason and a will to live within me. Part of life for me now is living like an open book, I have to admit my mistakes, when I am wrong and quickly make ammends to those I have hurt. Not only do I do these things but I also stay open about my past and where I have been because I believe that fellowship with another human being begins with honesty and relation. These things cannot happen without me being willing to share who I am....who I really am with another human being. As a Christian, sober person, recovery person, it is in these times when I do the aformentioned things I feel God's transformative work in my life being used to bless another paerson...Its amazing!!

Let Go & Let God.

"Let go and let God," a phrase that I hear numerous times in the rooms of AA and Celebrate Recovery.  Its a phrase that has stuck with me and I have often found myself having to pull it out to beat back the stinking thinking or future tripping that often goes on in my head.  Either I am way out in the future thinking about things that may never happen, based off a set of circumstances that are likely impossible, or I am dwelling on how I treated that one person or could of acted differently in this situation or I cant believe I was treated this way.  Where its good to be reflective and look at my actions so that I can take them to God in prayer, its not good when I allow these things to take over my mind to a point where they are having an impact on my emotions and altering how I react to situations and my relationships with others. If I allow these things to go this far the end result is usually me finding myself on my knees humbly at the cross in repentance praying for grace and guidance on how to not find myself in this position again.  Usually I reflect back at this point and see that most of the episodes often when I am not practicing the spiritual deiciplines that the bible so clearly states are vital to the transforming walk with Christ. Either I have not taking the time to pray and focus my thoughts on God, that which is holy and pure, or I have been slacking on my reading and studying of the scriptures, or I have withdrawn myself from fellowship with my accountability partners in the programs or my small groups at church. All these things are so vital to my life and spiritual well being, and I know that if any one of them fall to the way side I am opening myself up to a whole realm of horrible thinking and actions.  The walk of faith never ceases to amaze me...its like I know what has to be done and what I have to do in order to stay healthy and what do I do?! The exact opposite lol! However it has gotten better over time only by the grace of God and alot of transforming work by Christ.  So let go and let God always reminds me that the most important thing in my life is my relationship with Christ, from it all things flow, he is the rock, the wellspring, and in practicing the spiritual disciplines the roots of my faith extend deeper into that rock and draw more and more from that wellspring allowing the work of Christ to pour into and out of me freely.

But what of the person that doesent know Christ. This topic came up in the rooms of AA here recently and it had me thinking about those who dont know God. I can see how this phrase would work in church or in Celebrate Recovery but what about to the non believer? The one who doesnt believe in the strength and goodness of God? The one who relies on their own strength or the strength of other worldly things. Can these people with "higher powers" other than the one true God actually be able to "let go and let God"? How can you let go to a doorknob...or your family...I just cant see how it would work. A doorknob is not powerful and in fact it takes my strength to make it work...and my kid or any other person is human and subject to failure just like me plus they look to me for provision and guidance, so how can they help me through these things? The truth is they cant, we may be able to let something go but if we are non believers we are truly missing out on the beauty of the wholephrase which is letting God. Because only God is sovereign and good. So only when we give it to him can we have full assurance, whether the out come be good or bad it happened exactly how it was supposed to and in the end all together good...even if I cant see it.

Thats the power of faith in Christ and why Christianity is a faith and not a religion of works or deeds.

A Fellowship: Part I

I love being happy, today is just one of those days where I went to work and nothing crazy happened, everything was smooth operating. I was able to pause at work during lunch and have a fantastic conversation with someone very close to me. Then after returning to work I had a great conversation with my boss, who always gives me a good laugh and inspired attitude...and no I dont think he reads this! lol! Not to mention its Friday and I look forward to a night spent with good fellowship and food...which to me is always a great thing...I like food! I think the real kicker has got to be this action packed fun weekend planned, filled with family and freinds just hanging out and enjoying each others company. I am so thankful for the fantastic people God has placed around me the past couple of years, all of which have been so instrumental in bringing me where I am today and have all pitched in in teaching me about life.

There are two things that are always said in AA and Celebrate Recovery one is that the programs are programs of action and two the programs are not "I" programs but "WE" programs. The founders of these programs realized in the very beginning that recovery cannot be had on our own will power, we had to put our faith in God and the people in these programs that had what every broken person wants...freedom from the results of that brokeness. I find this extremely true because I cant tell you how many times I tried to abstain from a variety of things on my own accord to quickly find myself failing yet again. When I came into these programs I quickly found fellowship among those who were alot like me that I could relate to in a variety of ways. I started to call these people and to hang out with these people and by the grace of God and strong relationships they showed me how to live a different way...a more fantastic fulfilling way might I add...really beyond my greatest idea of what the good life was or would be. I came to find out that one of the main reasons I felt the need to go out and do the things I did was because I was lonely or feared being alone, well that fear was replaced with love from God and another human being. The coolest thing about it is, now that I am on the12th step I have the great blessing of being that for another broken person just through living out my transformed life.