The Past is Daunting

I have been struggling with the past in the previous weeks...it always seems to happen when I am celebrating milestones, and on the 17th of December I celebrated four years sobriety. I think it must be something with reminiscing about the past, I am always just left in awe and amazed by the transformational work Christ has done in me. This year however is very different, I am not recalling events from the past which bring up certain feelings and emotions. I fought this for the first couple years of my sobriety and quickly learned to rebuke these feelings and take ownership of the power of Christ in me which releases me from the burden of the past.  Whats different this year, is that my thoughts and feelings seemed to be more collectively focused on certain people from the past rather than events and situations.


This new development has left me seeking God through prayer and meditation trying to gain understanding of what this may mean, and what action is needed on my part. Its odd, but I get a sense that it may be an indication that it is time to possibly reach out to these "freinds" and reconnect with them. I know that there are a few ammends still left to be made to a couple of these individuals so maybe an opportune time will present itself soon. So, eventhough I am optimistic about the opportunities that are soon to come, I am also apprehensive about the kinds of things within that will be stirred up. However, I know that Christ has brought me to where I am in life with all my past experiences and present experiences building me up in the faith enabling me to more efficiently minister and have an effect on those in my sphere of influence.


 Up to now I have pretty much disconnected from the past and surrounded myself with people strong in the faith and strong in recovery...I guess you could say "running with the pack". I know also that this in not excatly the calling of a Christian, we are to build one another up, love one another, and sing praises together; at the same point however it is not the healthy that are in need of a physician. I see this present stirring of feelings as a sort of nudge to get out in the community and let the light of what Jesus has done in my life shine onto those who are in the darkness. People I truly love and care about, ones who my heart utterly breaks for because I know all to well the struggles and toils they face in life. I think that I had to have the last four years the way they were so that Jesus could take me and form me into the man he needs me to be, now it is time to step out and share this with others. I love the Christian walk and the walk of recovery, with every season of life comes an opportunity to grow and an opportunity to branch out.