Honesty, Openess & Willingness: Part Two Honesty With Others

Honesty with others...I love this part! For me it was such a freeing experience to know that my past, what others might think of me and my own personal image no longer define me. Today it is my faith in Jesus Christ that truly sets me fee from these things, I realize today that my weaknesses and strengths all come from how he created me. I no longer have to fit in this framework of what the world tells me I should be, what I should have, or what I should think. Its just to hard just to much maitenance, no matter what expectation I try to live to or what next best thing I try it all fails me.  I have found that when I can embrace who I am in Christ and how he created me to be I am the most service to him and my fellow brother and sister.

Today I really try to remember that my past life of drinking, drugging, partying, etc...is not what makes me who I am today nor does it dictate to me the kind of future I have in front of me. My past is for Jesus a tool for me to relate to and have empathy for the person who is also in the same spot. My colorful past is just a testimony to how the love, grace and salvation that comes from the gospel changes the worst of sinners heart righting them on a path of life they never thought imaginable. I share my past openly and honestly today with anyone, I have found that it not only releases any power those things have over me but it also leads to people feeling comfortable enough to share about victories and obstacles in their lives as well. It creates a transparency with another person that allows me to take the relationship to a whole other level of openness.

Perhaps the hardest part of openness with others for me is the whole admitting when I'm wrong or struggling part. My pride and ego hate this, but its a good thing to be humbled and I have pretty much gotten comfortable being in the humbled state, I am not saying that to brag but because it feels like I have to apologize quite a bit. See, I have a brain, and I have a mouth and sometimes the filter between the two doesn't work fast enough. I often find myself apologizing for saying something I probably shouldn't have, usually the other party is like what are you talking about? But I gotta share whats on my heart...I do not like carrying that stuff around in there...it sucks! I gotta get it off my chest, pray for forgiveness and awareness and keep moving forward. Now not only do I have to admit when I am wrong but I have to also admit when my butt is falling off onto the ground, for me this doesn't just mean struggling with some aspect of life but I have to let people know when I feel hurt or feel upset. Again for me these things tear me up inside and if I don't handle them properly they lead to me dwelling and constantly thinking about them which then leads to resentment. The same is true with struggling, if something has got me down I am quick to offload it first to Jesus and then to someone else in my network of friends and family. It releases all power its holding on within me and I keep moving forward...sometimes I am back in prayer or on the phone again in an hour but I just cant hold onto that stuff...its spiritually draining.

Anyway thats my experience with openness with others, I thank God for the relationships I have today which the other person and I share this kind of openness. I really think that it was how God designed them to be and in the middle of them is a deep relationship that is beneficial to both persons. I Love It!

Honesty, Openess & Willingness: Part One Honesty With God.

It is said in the rooms of AA and CR all the time and I really believe that they are a key to sobriety and even life in general. I have been away from the keyboard lately...wedding planning is crazy! Not to mention life is really good right now and I rejoice in that because so often the hard times are all we talk about but the good times should be celebrated also. In the next couple of blogs I will spell out what this statement means to me one word at a time, and hopefully at the end there will be a beautiful set of three well written and thought out bloggs that may be a point of experience, strength and hope for another person. Ha! Okay just the experience, strength and hope part then! I think I will start off with honesty.

Rigorous honesty with God, myself and my fellows is the only way that I can be happy in sobriety and in life in general for that matter. I have tried living a life full of lies and have found that it was completly exhausting and a terrible burden no one should have to bear. This was the first thing Jesus addressed in my life after turning to him. His truths that I read in the Bible were like a searchlight to my soul revealing all the lies I had bought into, this continues still everyday. I find myself today just as I was three years ago as a new believer in Christ constantly going to Christ seeking his forgiveness. Martin Luther said a Christians life is one of repentance, I think this is absolutely correct and it is the path in which I open myself up to God in honesty. Im not repenting because I broke some rule but because I realize that I am in no way perfect and that I am costantly dealing with issues related to my pride, ego, anger, etc...etc...Its in this honesty with God that I am built up in faith because I feel and know that he is a God of grace and he casts my sin as far as the East is from the West so that its shame and guilt well not be there to pull me down. This in turn builds my faith and the reassurance in knowing that I can live in this world but not be conformed I am only formed by my relationship with Christ. This is the freedom I gain in walking honestly with Christ, its foolish to think that I can hide anything from him anyway but in doing so I am also carrying the burden of that lie with no one to give it to which gives all the power and control to that one lie and no worldly power can relieve me from that, forgiveness and rightousness only comes from Christ.