By His Grace

What a great Christmas! Its a crazy time of the year, this year was especially crazy for me as I got the blessing to be able to spend it with my fiancee and step son as well as her family. I have been meaning to get on and blogg for quite sometime now but just havent gotten the opportunity. I am happy to finally be back at the keyboard to report that on the 17th of Decmber I celebrated three years of sobriety. Sobriety birthdays are always fun and for me the whole month surrounding them is just kind of a rollercoaster filled with thankfulness, gratitude and deep reflection. So...throw this in with the celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ who is the only reason I am where I am, it makes for one humbling gratitude filled month! Its crazy to look at where I was just three years ago and where I am now thanks to Jesus and his work on the cross and in me.

Its always easy for me to remember that Christmas season three years ago and I never want to, because it always humbles and fills me with faith and love for Jesus. I was arrested on the 17th for my fourth DUI, bailed out on the 19th, then had to immediately go turn myself in on a probation violation in another county, g to court the next morning then get bailed out for that. so by the 20th of December I was out of jail until my hearings. I was so fearful, so hopeless, I remember celebrating Christmas...if you want to call it that. I was in a deep depression, full of despair and fear not really wanting to leave the house as I tried to figure out what a life without alcohol looked like. I just remember stting with my family not really knowing when I would spend Christmas with them again.

These feelings went on for the next five months until I found myself in a jail cell with a Holy Bible in my hands seeking anything that resembled an answer. It was when my heart was in that condition when my mind was filled with nothing but lies was my soul awakened to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Truth came beaming in and permeating everything I did...I was being transformed just as I am today. I was with my family the very next Christmas rejoicing and celebrating in the glory of Christ coming to die for us so that we, so that I may know life away from the bondage of sin and lies.

Fellowship: Part II

Well fellowship again has been on my heart over the past few weeks and I figured that meant it would be a good time to wrap up my thoughts on fellowship. Its probably about time because the topic has been left open for a month or so now, not that people are nit hanging on the edge of their seat to get it because I think only five people read this. Which is perfectly fine by me, I started the blog simply because it was on my heart for a long time, until one day I acted on it and now three months later hear I am. Pretty cool, anyways I should probably get on topic here. Fellowship, over the past few weeks it has been amazing to me to think about how much fellowship means to me and how it has gradually and sometimes suddenly changed my life. As you will read in Fellowship I my whole idea of fellowship was based around partying and belonging. I didnt want anyone too close I always kept them at a arms distance never opening up who I really was for fear of failure or rejection.

Today I see fellowship as a much more different thing...I love being in the rooms of A.A. or C.R. and seeing new comers or people who ask for help being swarmed after meetings by smiling faces and open arms. A place where true relation happens, hopefully this happens not because the person offering feels obligated or is forcing it but because there is a understanding or apathy for where that person is, because they have been there worked through it and came through stronger with more understanding.  I truly believe that these things are the scars and thorns we have to be willing to share and open up about to others to show the glory of Christ's work within us. This is why personal testimonies are so powerful, we can relate to and meet these people sharing about their lives exactly where they are. We can share with them about those emotions that they are feeling during those really hard moments because we have those emotions and feelings too! Yet they have overcomed and have actually come to terms enough with their past to be able to share about it in hopes that another wont walk down their road. I see this everyday in the rooms of A.A. and C.R. and what it creates is a breeding ground for fellowsip to happen and be facilitated. There is true beauty in seeing someone who is broken and beatdown realize that they are not alone and in fact many others struggle with the exact very same thing and have moved on from it...being able to see someone who has what we have and be willing to do what we have to do to get it. The first step: Realizing that I have a problem.

I have a big problem and the problem is me. It truly is a miracle of God that I am where I am today because in all honesty I should have died quite a few times in my life. I had problems, problems I thought were mine and only mine, well thats not true they are God's all God's because he has taken a life full of darkness, sadness and despair and shone a light and given a reason and a will to live within me. Part of life for me now is living like an open book, I have to admit my mistakes, when I am wrong and quickly make ammends to those I have hurt. Not only do I do these things but I also stay open about my past and where I have been because I believe that fellowship with another human being begins with honesty and relation. These things cannot happen without me being willing to share who I am....who I really am with another human being. As a Christian, sober person, recovery person, it is in these times when I do the aformentioned things I feel God's transformative work in my life being used to bless another paerson...Its amazing!!